Written by Andrew Morris
I couldn't believe it. I had just received the most
desirable, magical piece of paper ever thought up by mankind. In my hands, I
held my DD214. My End of Active Service orders. I was free. I remember driving
off base thinking to myself, “This, right now, is the last time I'll ever wear
this uniform. I'll make this drive many more times, but never for the same
reasons. Wow.” I was out! FINALLLYYY!
But wait. Now what? Well, I speak Pashto so, let's see what
they have for that. Well, looks like all of the jobs seem to be in Augusta,
Georgia. That sounds like fun! But dang, Carolyn doesn't get out for a year. I
know! I'll just come back every weekend! But dang, she's pregnant. What if I
miss Charlie being born? Ugh. After much deliberation we decided that I'd try
to find something in Jacksonville. I started off thinking, “This will be easy.”
Yeah right. Even with the skills that I had acquired and the education I had, I
found nothing worthwhile. I would basically be working to pay for daycare and
before and after school care. No thanks.
|
Andrew in dad mode |
Finally, I went to work the overnight shift at a local
warehouse store. It started off great. I'd work all night, then head straight
home. Carolyn and I would high-five.She'd head off to work and I'd take the
kids to school and such. This worked out great until my boss decided to bump up
my hours. I was seeing my pregnant wife almost not at all. (Although the bigger
she got, she didn't really mind having the bed all to herself...lol.) Our
family life turned into “Hi, hon...don't forget to 'fill-in-the-blank.' Have a
good day! Bye!” <goodbye kiss> Neither of us cared much for it. Then came
the final blow. Some far-away general decided that 2D Radio BN should begin
24/hr operations and that the best shift for my wife to work would be the
midnight to 8:00 AM shift. Cool. I
didn't like my job much, anyways. Well, at least that problem solved itself.
For the next month-ish I ended up busying myself with menial tasks around the
house and having greater freedom for whatever the kids might need.
Now back to those new found freedoms and liberties that I
mentioned earlier. I had not been forced to run since January, 2011. When I got
out, 2012 was more than halfway over. I finally started running on my own in
June, 2012. It was pretty atrocious. For someone who had a respectable (read:
far from perfect) running time while in the Corps, it was a real shock the
first time I went running. But a new realization sprung up within me. The
realization that I didn't *have* to run. I didn't have to do anything. Heck, if
I wanted one man formations everyday at 0530, I could do it. (I didn't.) This betrays my (extreme) stubbornness but I
realized that now that I didn't have to run, I actually wanted to (for
the first time in my life!).
As I began running, I realized that a crucial aspect that I
was missing was camaraderie. That was something that the Corps had plenty of,
want it or not. Sometimes camaraderie was chasing you, letting you know that if
it caught you, you'd really regret it later. Other times, camaraderie was more
welcome, helping you where you needed it, giving you the push that you were too
proud to ask for. Now, being in the land of the free, camaraderie had deserted
me, leaving me to do what I wanted (including running at a pace far below that
of my former “unfree” self)
I began searching out running buddies I asked a few of my
friends, former associates, and co-workers of my wife if they were interested
in joining me for a run. But an interesting fact about Jacksonville is that the
working population of the town already has PT scheduled for them. And for some
reason, that seems to be enough. They aren't looking to get up at ridiculous
hours or to extend their days any longer. And those very few that did
want to do that were already part of a running group, typically made up of
their fellow service members..
I had seen the Stroller Warriors stickers and was vaguely
aware of the club but I had assumed (without basis) that they weren't as “serious”
as what I was looking for. After not having much luck finding anyone else and
since I’d soon be toting my own stroller, I looked into it. First, I realized that they were a lot
more serious than I had believed and I got really excited. Second, I realized
that they were an exclusively female group. I was pretty surprised by this. I
was talking with my friend Evan, also a stay-at-home parent, having just EAS'd
from the Corps, and he and I developed these super-great plans to force
Stroller Warriors accept male dependents. I mean, what kind of world is this?
They just think that discrimination is cool? <insert perceived upper-class
titter> Oh, we shall show them! So I jotted down a quick email and sent it
off. The next day, I received the following response:
Hi Andrew,
Thank you for contacting
us. Recently, we have been talking about including male spouses in our
club. One of our chapters, has been very successful with making it
work. So, if you are interested we would love to have you join us!
You would be the first male to join SWCL.
|
Andrew and Charlie at the Run for Cole |
So, wait, I was welcome? They would “love to have me?” Was
that an exclamation point/mark? Huh. Well, so much for the epic war that I was
expecting. Expecting or maybe even hoping for? Hmm...
On January 21st, Charlie was born and I didn't
run at all for a few weeks. I somehow had plenty to occupy myself with. Slowly,
I started running again, pushing the stroller. I could not believe how
hard it was!! Before, I would run fiveish miles with no problem. Now I was
dying at two miles. But I kept trying and it slowly got better.
I was so into my own feelings regarding the Stroller
Warriors that I wasn't paying attention to my Carolyn's feelings on the issue.
She had mentioned before Charlie's birth, she felt that I had too much time on
my hands and didn't want me associating with a 'bunch a women' with similar
time constraints. After he was born, she was more of the feeling that I'd have
my hands full. I'd also brought home a copy of the Military Spouse that
Stroller Warriors was featured on and she got excited and (pointing to
Stephanie) said, “Oh, I know her! She lives down the street. I've seen her at
school with Teddy. We were pregnant at the same time.” Somehow, knowing
Stephanie (even this little bit) made her feel as if this group was to be
“trusted” and gave her the confidence that this wouldn't “...turn into another
episode of Housewives of LA.” (Yes, those are quotatation marks (Is that a real
show?).)
Still, I didn't do anything. I'd resigned myself to the
boring life of the male military spouse. I had the comfort that, since she was
getting out soon (at that point, in September), I wouldn't have too much longer
until roles reverted to what they were “supposed to be.” And by “supposed to
be”, I've come to realize that this means whatever is easiest and most
expected, both for myself and for society-at-large. This has nothing to
do with this place called “The Real World.”
In early April, I heard about the Run for Cole from a
friend. Seeing as it was on a day that Marines had off, I finally decided join
up and to come out for an event. After all, Carolyn would be with me. I'd be
safe. Carolyn and I had a great day. There were a lot of spouses, I felt
comfortable, and she felt comfortable. It was important for her to actually see
the club. I remember her noting things like how the group was bigger than she'd
thought, how well setup it seemed, and how the climate was so positive.
For the event, Stephanie had asked if people would be
willing to bring out food and snacks. I had volunteered to bring out chocolate
chip cookies. After the run, when we were all eating, I heard a lot of
(positive) comments on the cookies and people asking who'd made them. Normally,
I'd have taken credit, but for some reason, I
|
The whole family, Andrew, Carolyn, Teddy, Leo, and Charlie after a family
fun run |
didn't. I later mentioned it to
Carolyn in a random comment as I was collecting the tray that they were on and
she expressed outrage. She (very memorably, to me) said, “Andrew, I've spent
eleven years in the Marine Corps, trying to be a woman in a man's world,
fighting this exact stereotype. Yes...it's PC for a woman to attain to a man's
level. But its just as okay and right for a man to attain to a woman's level!
You know this! Don't be ashamed of the fact that you are a good cook! Just
because the shoe's on the other foot doesn't mean that you should meekly accept
the stereotype!”
Those words were the kick-in-the-butt that I needed. I
realized that I was the one that a point needed to be made to, not the
group. How haughty could I have been! I was no longer trying to “prove a
point.” Instead, I was the one in need! Only my pride, insecurity, and
uneducated thinking had kept me from the club. I mean, come on, SW was exactly
what I was looking for. They had an awesome, fully-functioning, fully-assembled
running club and they were welcoming me with open arms. I decided to start
coming.
Did this magically make it all better? No. I'll be honest,
the first actual workout that I went to, I still felt out of place and a little
awkward. But apparently I was the only one. That day I met a great deal of
members, from SW leadership to the rank-and-file members. Although each person was
unique, the one thing that all had in common is that they wanted me to feel
welcome. This was only the beginning. I thought that I knew what SW was all
about, but this was the beginning of my education. As I began attending
workouts, I once again felt the camaraderie that I mentioned earlier. But more
than just a running camaraderie, I realized this was a way-of-life camaraderie.
Regardless of who you were, there was someone there who related to what you
were dealing with and had the information that you needed and the willingness to
share it. This was not a running club, this was a network of like-minded
individuals who also happened to enjoy a good outing on Greenway Trail
pushing the kids or waking up at 5:30 AM to go for a ten mile run. Well,
“enjoy” might be the wrong word for the latter.
Looking back, I'm amazed at how much I've learned from this
club. Yes, I may have been able to gain access to the club (against its
|
Stephanie and Andrew at the Run for the Warriors |
will), but thankfully we never had to find out. The club was too mature for my
immaturity. More importantly, I had completely missed the point. Earning “the
right” to attend a particular clubs functions would not have earned me any
favor, respect, or goodwill. Funny thing about those characteristics is that
they are pretty much only gained when one first gives them. Well, heck,
I wish I'd have learned this before age 30, but hey, at least you folks were
there to do the teaching when I was ready. For the record, you were all pretty
nice about it, too. Thank you all!
Andrew Morris is a former marine, military spouse, stay at home dad to Teddy, Leo, and Charlie, and Stroller Warrior. Starting June 11th, he'll also be a full time resident of Illinois and a student at the University of Illinois - Urbana/Champaign. He and his family will be greatly missed at SWCL but as he says..."Once a Stroller Warrior, Always a Stroller Warrior."